Better And Worse And Better Again

I called Julie yesterday to discuss the ultrasound. She agreed w/the tech that it looked like a 5 week pregnancy. So we hashed and rehashed dates, trying to work out how that could be possible with a positive home test on Jan. 3rd. She did tell me that if we were just way off with the dates, this looks completely normal and healthy and right on track for where it should be.

Then the bad news. If we are NOT off with dates, it could be a pregnancy that simply didn't thrive.  Which, naturally, upset me a bit and made me even more nervous. So we discussed options. One was to wait 2 weeks, have another ultrasound, and see what happens in the interim. She didn't think I was going to last that long without some kind of answer. Option two was to do 2 blood draws 48 hrs apart to make sure my hormone levels are appropriate and doubling.

I went in yesterday afternoon for my first blood draw. Friday is the second, and should let us know what's going on a little more clearly. In the meanwhile, I talked to Rick about the whole thing, and he reminded me that yes, we DID fool around on Christmas Day. (In Julie's words, "Men always remember!") It eased my mind greatly to remember that, because that would put us exactly in range of the ultrasound dates if my cycle was wonky and I ovulated late. If we conceived on xmas, that would bump the dates back 1 day and possibly account for the positive home test. Would still be on the really early side for getting a reading, but all those tests need are enough hormones to register. Generally it's 10 days after conception, but 8 could do it if I produced enough.

I was feeling much better about the whole thing... until I started having dark spotting. Now, I know very well that it is completely normal and ok to have some spotting, especially between weeks 4 and 8. Especially after having an internal ultrasound. But this, on top of all the other stress, only served to bring on a minor flip-out and more nerves. I ended up awake in the wee hours, looking up information online. Which completely agreed with the logical side of my brain, saying so long as it wasn't bright red, productive flow, or accompanied by cramps, I'm probably fine. Mention it to the midwives, but stop fussing. Shortly after that, it eased up. Seems to be fine today.

For all of you chuckling or rolling your eyes in remembrance of first pregnancies, believe me when I say I KNOW I'm being silly. I am a first time mama and don't know what to expect. We want this baby so much that I worry too much over what could go wrong. I am aware. And someday I will look back on this blog and giggle at myself, while holding a perfectly healthy, full-term baby. Please indulge my worries for now, and be patient. I'm learning as I go. <3