Dearest Lyra, whom I love completely and utterly:
GET OUT.
Your adoring mother,
Linnea
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
This Is Probably Why I'm Eating So Much Cheese
Ok, here come the whines. Stop reading now and skim to the end if you don't wanna hear them.
I am so done. I'm sitting here at my desk, throwing a pity party for myself, because I'm not sure I will survive the next week+ if Lyra decides to wait for April to be born. I am so tired and sore and nauseated and ambivalent to the whole process at this point, if someone could offer me a risk-free induction of labor, I think I'd take it immediately.
And then, I start feeling like the world's worst mother for feeling that way. Aren't I supposed to be enjoying this pregnancy thing? Miracle of life and all that tripe? Why can't I just sit back and appreciate the last days without wanting it over NOW? I'm never doing this again, so why rush the diaper changes and 2am feedings? Maybe I'm not cut out for this mom thing - I'm too selfish or self absorbed or impatient or insensitive or *insert an entire thesaurus' worth of words meaning 'crappy mom' here* ...
And then I hear myself and think, "Dear lord, Linnea! Buck up! You've managed 9.5 months of this crud, you can manage another week, so put on your big girl panties and deal with it." And I try to do just that...
And then I hit the exhaustion wall for the Nth time that day and the cycle repeats, because I realize I just don't wanna suck it up for another hour, much less days. I want to curl into a ball and cry and have everyone feel bad for poor me who is having such a hell of a time.
I am tired of eating. I am tired of peeing at least every 30 min. I am tired of not being able to easily roll over in bed without assistance. I am tired of constant hemorrhoids. I am tired of waking up tired and spending the day tired and going to bed tired and then having insomnia because I'm so overtired and having to take a pill to get any sleep at all. I'm tired of feeling stupid and lumbering around like a hippo and not being able to bend over comfortably and seeing Rick be worn down by trying to cater to everything I'm unable to do for myself with any ease even when I tell him he doesn't need to do it all.
I feel like I am failing at pregnancy. Epic fail, too.
My mother tells me that I inevitably would hit this point in pregnancy. I'm glad to know other moms can feel this way, but it really doesn't make me feel any better. I am still waiting for energy and nesting urges. Never happened for me. I threw up. Then I threw up more. Then I slept a lot. Then I stopped throwing up and felt mostly human for a month or so. Then I went back to utter exhaustion and nausea (although blessedly without throwing up most of the time.) I haven't had a break.
Any of you mothers who had easy pregnancies - I don't want to hear a word about how 'this, too, shall pass' and 'holding the baby will make it all worth it.' Unless you went through 9 months of craptastic-ness, YOU DON'T GET IT. At this moment, I couldn't care less about how much better I'll feel once she's born. I feel like death warmed over with no respite on the immediate horizon. Until those labor contractions start, I am stuck here in Exhaustionville, on the corner of Pain Street and Burst Into Tears Avenue.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And now, just to show that I'm not a total loss (step 3 of my cycle, you see?) I will list some of the good things with this pregnancy.
-A ridiculously large and healthy baby. For all my discomfort, she's doing brilliantly.
-No toxemia/hypertension. That is a big freaking deal, right there.
-Realizing my blood sugar levels are much more normal than I'd suspected.
-No leg cramps. They can get really extreme in pregnancy, and I've not had a single one yet, knock on wood.
-Apparently I look really cute as a pregnant lady. And maternity clothes are SO dang comfy!
-Laughing at the ridiculous conversations that Rick and I would never have dreamed of sharing any other time.
-Finding out how wonderful Rick's co-workers are and how much they support and care about him.
-Spending more time chatting with my mom than I have in years, and connecting on a whole new level.
-Testing negative for Strep B.
-Constant amusement from Lyra's interactions, especially when she responds to daddy's voice.
See, I do know it's not all bad. I just feel crappy and want her to decide to be born already. C'mon, labor, any time now...
I am so done. I'm sitting here at my desk, throwing a pity party for myself, because I'm not sure I will survive the next week+ if Lyra decides to wait for April to be born. I am so tired and sore and nauseated and ambivalent to the whole process at this point, if someone could offer me a risk-free induction of labor, I think I'd take it immediately.
And then, I start feeling like the world's worst mother for feeling that way. Aren't I supposed to be enjoying this pregnancy thing? Miracle of life and all that tripe? Why can't I just sit back and appreciate the last days without wanting it over NOW? I'm never doing this again, so why rush the diaper changes and 2am feedings? Maybe I'm not cut out for this mom thing - I'm too selfish or self absorbed or impatient or insensitive or *insert an entire thesaurus' worth of words meaning 'crappy mom' here* ...
And then I hear myself and think, "Dear lord, Linnea! Buck up! You've managed 9.5 months of this crud, you can manage another week, so put on your big girl panties and deal with it." And I try to do just that...
And then I hit the exhaustion wall for the Nth time that day and the cycle repeats, because I realize I just don't wanna suck it up for another hour, much less days. I want to curl into a ball and cry and have everyone feel bad for poor me who is having such a hell of a time.
I am tired of eating. I am tired of peeing at least every 30 min. I am tired of not being able to easily roll over in bed without assistance. I am tired of constant hemorrhoids. I am tired of waking up tired and spending the day tired and going to bed tired and then having insomnia because I'm so overtired and having to take a pill to get any sleep at all. I'm tired of feeling stupid and lumbering around like a hippo and not being able to bend over comfortably and seeing Rick be worn down by trying to cater to everything I'm unable to do for myself with any ease even when I tell him he doesn't need to do it all.
I feel like I am failing at pregnancy. Epic fail, too.
My mother tells me that I inevitably would hit this point in pregnancy. I'm glad to know other moms can feel this way, but it really doesn't make me feel any better. I am still waiting for energy and nesting urges. Never happened for me. I threw up. Then I threw up more. Then I slept a lot. Then I stopped throwing up and felt mostly human for a month or so. Then I went back to utter exhaustion and nausea (although blessedly without throwing up most of the time.) I haven't had a break.
Any of you mothers who had easy pregnancies - I don't want to hear a word about how 'this, too, shall pass' and 'holding the baby will make it all worth it.' Unless you went through 9 months of craptastic-ness, YOU DON'T GET IT. At this moment, I couldn't care less about how much better I'll feel once she's born. I feel like death warmed over with no respite on the immediate horizon. Until those labor contractions start, I am stuck here in Exhaustionville, on the corner of Pain Street and Burst Into Tears Avenue.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
And now, just to show that I'm not a total loss (step 3 of my cycle, you see?) I will list some of the good things with this pregnancy.
-A ridiculously large and healthy baby. For all my discomfort, she's doing brilliantly.
-No toxemia/hypertension. That is a big freaking deal, right there.
-Realizing my blood sugar levels are much more normal than I'd suspected.
-No leg cramps. They can get really extreme in pregnancy, and I've not had a single one yet, knock on wood.
-Apparently I look really cute as a pregnant lady. And maternity clothes are SO dang comfy!
-Laughing at the ridiculous conversations that Rick and I would never have dreamed of sharing any other time.
-Finding out how wonderful Rick's co-workers are and how much they support and care about him.
-Spending more time chatting with my mom than I have in years, and connecting on a whole new level.
-Testing negative for Strep B.
-Constant amusement from Lyra's interactions, especially when she responds to daddy's voice.
See, I do know it's not all bad. I just feel crappy and want her to decide to be born already. C'mon, labor, any time now...
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Contract(ion)ual Obligations?
Just to let everyone know what's been going on:
I swear I am not ignoring any of you. I have been a bit preoccupied for a few days.
This evening wraps up the 4th day in a row of early labor contractions besieging my poor abused belly. So not only do I feel like an overripe melon, but also like an overripe melon left rolling around in the back of a truck.
This all started Wednesday. I'd noticed smaller contractions all day, mostly spaced out - not more than 2 per hour most of the afternoon. By the time Rick got home, I realized they were getting more frequent and regular. We started timing, and they kept hovering right on the edge of worrisome/exciting. By 11:30pm, we gave in and called Julie, who agreed that it wasn't quite concerning, and said if I could get some rest to do so and see how I felt in the morning because they'd likely peter out over the next hour or so.
3:30am Thursday I finally fell asleep from exhaustion, still having contractions. They were coming in sets. I'd have an hour of consistency and increasing length, then have a sudden break for 20-30 min. I slept about an hour or two at a time, and dreamed about having contractions.
Rick had planned on having lunch with me Thursday noon, so my last 2 hours of sleep came between 9 and 11am that morning. He brought food, and I was still contracting. We called Julie again, and she was surprised to hear it had gone on all night. At that point, she told us to head to the clinic for a checkup.
Result of exam: Baby doesn't seem stressed by the contractions, which is good. I was dilated about 1cm, which is inconclusive. Baby's back was also turned too far towards my spine, which was causing back labor, which is what causes those start-and-stop sets and all the fun back pain. We got instructions on things to try to get her turned face down into proper position, and confirmed that it probably is very early labor and that it could go on anywhere from hours to weeks. Let my mother know that she needs to start keeping her cell within reach NOW instead of 2 weeks from now. Went to Target and walked around for a while to see what it would do to progress things along, and to pick up our last few baby items. Went home. Tried to rest with mixed results. By 11pm was feeling exhausted and beaten up again. Finally fell asleep.
Rick took Friday off because the darn things wouldn't stop OR progress enough to move to active labor and he wanted to be home with me "just in case." By this point, I was getting quite frustrated and beyond tired. We called Julie again to let her know nothing had changed and ask for advice. She said so long as I am able to rest and wait things out, our best course of action was to go with it. But if I were to get too tired and worn down, we'd have to start thinking about what to do next - speed it up or stop it. We opted to do nothing yet, and went to run errands around 12:30pm. Ended up walking the mall a few times up and down, until I was having trouble lifting my feet to step. Got the contractions up to about 2 min apart and well over 45 seconds long for a while... then headed home, almost falling over tired and with a splitting headache, about 5pm. Contractions stopped completely for an hour or so. About the time I was ready to say we were done, they started back up. That repeated all evening/night. Clusters of 3-5 contractions over maybe half an hour tops, then nothing for an hour. Lather, rinse, repeat. Around 10pm, I was done fussing with the whole thing and told Rick, "It will be what it wants to be, and this kid is contrary enough to take her own sweet time and do it ONLY on HER schedule." So Rick massaged my back for a while. Then I took a warm shower and some Tylenol. Then we got some snacks and climbed in bed and turned on Craig Fergusson's late show and laughed ourselves silly. Finally fell asleep in the wee hours, and actually got a few consecutive hours of rest. (Minus the 3 trips to the loo, but that's normal now.)
After giving up and relaxing and doing some de-stressing, the contractions came back and continued through the night, though at a more relaxed pace than before.
This morning, they were still going. Went to the chiropractor this morning for my upper back and neck, which blessedly stopped the massive headache that I'd had since yesterday afternoon. Now I am getting 10-20 min between most of the contractions (with some faster clustering through the day as well) and many are lasting upwards of a minute. But they haven't stopped. We went to see the Noises Off matinee at FVCC, and I had about 6 or 7 contractions in the 2 hours we were watching.
(By the way, having a 75lb dog slam his front paws into the top of your uterus - especially as you're just ending a contraction - can bring on another one immediately. And with no break from the pain, it hurts like a sonofabitch. Just FYI.)
Anyhoo, if things are still doing this same song and dance come Monday, I'll be talking to the midwives again and probably asking for another pelvic exam. (Did those words really just come from me? Ugh.) I'd rather know that any progress is being made, whether it's dilation or effacement or whatever, than going on indefinitely, wondering wtf is taking so darn long and why the hell does it need to involve this level of discomfort and pain to get there, sheesh!
So that's what's been going on with me for the last 4 days. And likely, for the foreseeable future. I am around, and will probably answer texts or Facebook messages. But the phone is hit/miss, depending on contractions. (As entertaining as it might be, generally when someone has a phone call involving nothing but heavy breathing on the other end, there is a stalker or a 1-900 number somewhere in the mix.)
Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.
And, if you'll pardon me, I'm having a contraction right now.
I swear I am not ignoring any of you. I have been a bit preoccupied for a few days.
This evening wraps up the 4th day in a row of early labor contractions besieging my poor abused belly. So not only do I feel like an overripe melon, but also like an overripe melon left rolling around in the back of a truck.
This all started Wednesday. I'd noticed smaller contractions all day, mostly spaced out - not more than 2 per hour most of the afternoon. By the time Rick got home, I realized they were getting more frequent and regular. We started timing, and they kept hovering right on the edge of worrisome/exciting. By 11:30pm, we gave in and called Julie, who agreed that it wasn't quite concerning, and said if I could get some rest to do so and see how I felt in the morning because they'd likely peter out over the next hour or so.
3:30am Thursday I finally fell asleep from exhaustion, still having contractions. They were coming in sets. I'd have an hour of consistency and increasing length, then have a sudden break for 20-30 min. I slept about an hour or two at a time, and dreamed about having contractions.
Rick had planned on having lunch with me Thursday noon, so my last 2 hours of sleep came between 9 and 11am that morning. He brought food, and I was still contracting. We called Julie again, and she was surprised to hear it had gone on all night. At that point, she told us to head to the clinic for a checkup.
Result of exam: Baby doesn't seem stressed by the contractions, which is good. I was dilated about 1cm, which is inconclusive. Baby's back was also turned too far towards my spine, which was causing back labor, which is what causes those start-and-stop sets and all the fun back pain. We got instructions on things to try to get her turned face down into proper position, and confirmed that it probably is very early labor and that it could go on anywhere from hours to weeks. Let my mother know that she needs to start keeping her cell within reach NOW instead of 2 weeks from now. Went to Target and walked around for a while to see what it would do to progress things along, and to pick up our last few baby items. Went home. Tried to rest with mixed results. By 11pm was feeling exhausted and beaten up again. Finally fell asleep.
Rick took Friday off because the darn things wouldn't stop OR progress enough to move to active labor and he wanted to be home with me "just in case." By this point, I was getting quite frustrated and beyond tired. We called Julie again to let her know nothing had changed and ask for advice. She said so long as I am able to rest and wait things out, our best course of action was to go with it. But if I were to get too tired and worn down, we'd have to start thinking about what to do next - speed it up or stop it. We opted to do nothing yet, and went to run errands around 12:30pm. Ended up walking the mall a few times up and down, until I was having trouble lifting my feet to step. Got the contractions up to about 2 min apart and well over 45 seconds long for a while... then headed home, almost falling over tired and with a splitting headache, about 5pm. Contractions stopped completely for an hour or so. About the time I was ready to say we were done, they started back up. That repeated all evening/night. Clusters of 3-5 contractions over maybe half an hour tops, then nothing for an hour. Lather, rinse, repeat. Around 10pm, I was done fussing with the whole thing and told Rick, "It will be what it wants to be, and this kid is contrary enough to take her own sweet time and do it ONLY on HER schedule." So Rick massaged my back for a while. Then I took a warm shower and some Tylenol. Then we got some snacks and climbed in bed and turned on Craig Fergusson's late show and laughed ourselves silly. Finally fell asleep in the wee hours, and actually got a few consecutive hours of rest. (Minus the 3 trips to the loo, but that's normal now.)
After giving up and relaxing and doing some de-stressing, the contractions came back and continued through the night, though at a more relaxed pace than before.
This morning, they were still going. Went to the chiropractor this morning for my upper back and neck, which blessedly stopped the massive headache that I'd had since yesterday afternoon. Now I am getting 10-20 min between most of the contractions (with some faster clustering through the day as well) and many are lasting upwards of a minute. But they haven't stopped. We went to see the Noises Off matinee at FVCC, and I had about 6 or 7 contractions in the 2 hours we were watching.
(By the way, having a 75lb dog slam his front paws into the top of your uterus - especially as you're just ending a contraction - can bring on another one immediately. And with no break from the pain, it hurts like a sonofabitch. Just FYI.)
Anyhoo, if things are still doing this same song and dance come Monday, I'll be talking to the midwives again and probably asking for another pelvic exam. (Did those words really just come from me? Ugh.) I'd rather know that any progress is being made, whether it's dilation or effacement or whatever, than going on indefinitely, wondering wtf is taking so darn long and why the hell does it need to involve this level of discomfort and pain to get there, sheesh!
So that's what's been going on with me for the last 4 days. And likely, for the foreseeable future. I am around, and will probably answer texts or Facebook messages. But the phone is hit/miss, depending on contractions. (As entertaining as it might be, generally when someone has a phone call involving nothing but heavy breathing on the other end, there is a stalker or a 1-900 number somewhere in the mix.)
Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.
And, if you'll pardon me, I'm having a contraction right now.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
AHH! THE CHUBS! *squee!*
So!
Ultrasound and prenatal visit today! I'll skip right to the facts. Baby was crazy active, and I got to see what it looked like. Holy cow. Baby chub on baby legs is cute even in utero. She wiggled her tongue a lot, and even yawned for us. And yes, those feet are generously sized and I watched them kick me. 89th percentile for size (which is about 2 weeks bigger than average, but is right on for a 9lb baby by April) and estimated 7lbs 10oz right now. GRANTED, ultrasound guesses are notoriously inaccurate in 3rd trimester and can be off by a pound or more. My personal guess before the ultrasound was around 7lbs, and I've been pretty good with my predictions so far, so their estimate may not be off by that much. She's gonna be pretty much what I was expecting - between 8 1/2 and 9 1/2 lbs. Oh, and she's still a girl.
It's weird to think that I have a full-grown baby in there right now. Bigger than some babies are at birth, even healthy, full term ones. No wonder her darn little fists and feet seem so strong!
Good prenatal visit, all is well, baby is plenty active and Julie is fully supportive of my wishes not to have a c-section or induction without a clear medical reason. (And for me, a baby estimated over 9lbs isn't a medical reason to schedule either procedure. It's just a bigger than average baby. When we hit an estimation of 10+, I might be willing to discuss it.) She warned me that some in the medical profession may give me some grief over that choice. Which seems silly to me, but so noted. My baby, my birth, not theirs. I'm not doing this for their convenience. And so long as baby stays healthy and can make it out the birth canal - and I have no reason to think I will have any other outcome thanks to my genetics of big babies and uncomplicated births - I cannot see the purpose in agreeing to a surgical procedure that has guaranteed risk factors in place of a perceived "maybe" risk that will likely not be an issue. And now I'll get off my soapbox. :)
Our younger cat is attempting his Jedi mind tricks on me to get my pudding, so I think I'll go dissuade him from that venture and protect my bowl.
Ultrasound and prenatal visit today! I'll skip right to the facts. Baby was crazy active, and I got to see what it looked like. Holy cow. Baby chub on baby legs is cute even in utero. She wiggled her tongue a lot, and even yawned for us. And yes, those feet are generously sized and I watched them kick me. 89th percentile for size (which is about 2 weeks bigger than average, but is right on for a 9lb baby by April) and estimated 7lbs 10oz right now. GRANTED, ultrasound guesses are notoriously inaccurate in 3rd trimester and can be off by a pound or more. My personal guess before the ultrasound was around 7lbs, and I've been pretty good with my predictions so far, so their estimate may not be off by that much. She's gonna be pretty much what I was expecting - between 8 1/2 and 9 1/2 lbs. Oh, and she's still a girl.
It's weird to think that I have a full-grown baby in there right now. Bigger than some babies are at birth, even healthy, full term ones. No wonder her darn little fists and feet seem so strong!
Good prenatal visit, all is well, baby is plenty active and Julie is fully supportive of my wishes not to have a c-section or induction without a clear medical reason. (And for me, a baby estimated over 9lbs isn't a medical reason to schedule either procedure. It's just a bigger than average baby. When we hit an estimation of 10+, I might be willing to discuss it.) She warned me that some in the medical profession may give me some grief over that choice. Which seems silly to me, but so noted. My baby, my birth, not theirs. I'm not doing this for their convenience. And so long as baby stays healthy and can make it out the birth canal - and I have no reason to think I will have any other outcome thanks to my genetics of big babies and uncomplicated births - I cannot see the purpose in agreeing to a surgical procedure that has guaranteed risk factors in place of a perceived "maybe" risk that will likely not be an issue. And now I'll get off my soapbox. :)
Our younger cat is attempting his Jedi mind tricks on me to get my pudding, so I think I'll go dissuade him from that venture and protect my bowl.
Monday, March 5, 2012
36 Weeks Tomorrow, AKA The 'Holy Crap' Zone
Haven't had anything to post in a while, as lately everything had been pretty routine. Rick and I had a virus that made us cough and sneeze a lot, but that seems to have passed now. Mainly, baby has been doing beautifully - even though she's big enough to necessitate another ultrasound for growth/fluid level check.
Speaking of big baby, I currently have a 51.5" circumference. (My mother had a point - a waist is supposed to be the smallest part of your torso, lol.) And this is AFTER she seems to have dropped into 'locked and loaded' position for birth. So yeah, it appears we're on track for a 9lb baby. As I told everyone it would happen to begin with, even the midwives who didn't want to believe me. Ah well, she won't be bigger than I can manage to birth.
And because she has wedged her head firmly in my pelvis, I am peeing every few minutes. I had no idea how much I could pee in one day. Seriously. I can be exiting the bathroom and she'll roll her head around and I have to go again. BUT! I am proud to say that, as of yet, I have not wet my pants. Not even a little. Nothing. ...*knocks on wood*
Because this wouldn't be a proper post from me without some little bit of TMI, here you go. The three words that are currently the bane of my existence: itchy, bleeding hemorrhoids. 'Nuff said.
My mother told me the other day that she was really proud of me for being committed to as natural a process as possible. (I'm still planning to give this whole thing a shot w/o an epidural, and I plan on breastfeeding for as long as possible, so long as baby & I are comfortable.) Made me feel pretty good, coming from her. I guess even when we get past the need to please our moms, there is still a happy little pleasure that comes from their validation, eh?
Pardon me, I'm having a contraction and need to pause.
Ok, all better. Those buggers can hurt, but my muscles seem to be adjusting to them, and most often now they're more uncomfortable than painful. Thank heavens.
The nursery is partially done. We had a brainstorm the other night about slipcovering a chair that will work beautifully in there, so that's another project to be done soon. We've also got our bedroom organized and far cleaner than it has been in ages. We pulled the obnoxious giant wall cabinet out of the tiny downstairs bathroom and replaced it with a smaller (and actually pretty) one, we've been working our way through the loads of crap that were in the bigger cabinet and throwing away loads of old stuff. We also got a new towel rack up on the wall to replace the old cracked plastic spring-loaded rack - I got tired of the arms swinging out and trying to take out my eyes. We got a set of key hooks hung by the front door so we can keep track of our spares and I can stop losing my keys. We moved a bookcase into the upstairs bathroom for storage, and it works beautifully. The kitchen has stayed fairly neat and functional since we both dug in and decided to stay on top of the dishes. With nothing piling up, it doesn't get so messy in there. And I'm finally making a noticeable dent in the backlog of laundry. We have so far to go with the mess, but I'm trying to remember to go through my mental checklist of what we HAVE accomplished so that I don't get discouraged. The nesting urge is sort of there, but what with illness and exhaustion, I'm not able to scrub like I'd prefer. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me I need to get over my need to be a good 'housekeeper for show.' (If it's just Rick and I, the mess doesn't bother us so much. But the second someone else is going to walk through the door, I want it spotless and get really embarrassed when it isn't. I'm getting better about it out of necessity, but I still don't like it.) It's one of the only times I care what other people think, and I really should let go of that. Especially w/a kid in the house, right?
My darling fetus (emphasis on the FEET) has been quite active today, so I'm relieved that she's decided to rest for the moment. Those kicks and punches are not as full extension as they used to be, but she's a LOT bigger now and they HURT when she gets going!The upside is that Rick gets to enjoy the show she puts on when she's dancing - it's really easy to see her active movements from the outside, and he can feel some of the smaller stuff just by resting a hand on my belly. And heaven help us all if he gets close up and talks to her. I get stretched & pummeled while she moves towards his voice, then she tries to kick him in the mouth (or hand or whatever is closest) once she figures out where he is. Entertaining, if a bit uncomfortable for me. :)
I should probably get off the comp now and do something useful, like feed and bathe myself. I'll update again when there's something more to share, perhaps after tomorrow's ultrasound and prenatal visit? Oh yes, I get to start weekly visits now, yay fun! Less than a calendar month to the due date!
...I will not freak out, I will not freak out, I will not freak out, I will not freak out...
Speaking of big baby, I currently have a 51.5" circumference. (My mother had a point - a waist is supposed to be the smallest part of your torso, lol.) And this is AFTER she seems to have dropped into 'locked and loaded' position for birth. So yeah, it appears we're on track for a 9lb baby. As I told everyone it would happen to begin with, even the midwives who didn't want to believe me. Ah well, she won't be bigger than I can manage to birth.
And because she has wedged her head firmly in my pelvis, I am peeing every few minutes. I had no idea how much I could pee in one day. Seriously. I can be exiting the bathroom and she'll roll her head around and I have to go again. BUT! I am proud to say that, as of yet, I have not wet my pants. Not even a little. Nothing. ...*knocks on wood*
Because this wouldn't be a proper post from me without some little bit of TMI, here you go. The three words that are currently the bane of my existence: itchy, bleeding hemorrhoids. 'Nuff said.
My mother told me the other day that she was really proud of me for being committed to as natural a process as possible. (I'm still planning to give this whole thing a shot w/o an epidural, and I plan on breastfeeding for as long as possible, so long as baby & I are comfortable.) Made me feel pretty good, coming from her. I guess even when we get past the need to please our moms, there is still a happy little pleasure that comes from their validation, eh?
Pardon me, I'm having a contraction and need to pause.
Ok, all better. Those buggers can hurt, but my muscles seem to be adjusting to them, and most often now they're more uncomfortable than painful. Thank heavens.
The nursery is partially done. We had a brainstorm the other night about slipcovering a chair that will work beautifully in there, so that's another project to be done soon. We've also got our bedroom organized and far cleaner than it has been in ages. We pulled the obnoxious giant wall cabinet out of the tiny downstairs bathroom and replaced it with a smaller (and actually pretty) one, we've been working our way through the loads of crap that were in the bigger cabinet and throwing away loads of old stuff. We also got a new towel rack up on the wall to replace the old cracked plastic spring-loaded rack - I got tired of the arms swinging out and trying to take out my eyes. We got a set of key hooks hung by the front door so we can keep track of our spares and I can stop losing my keys. We moved a bookcase into the upstairs bathroom for storage, and it works beautifully. The kitchen has stayed fairly neat and functional since we both dug in and decided to stay on top of the dishes. With nothing piling up, it doesn't get so messy in there. And I'm finally making a noticeable dent in the backlog of laundry. We have so far to go with the mess, but I'm trying to remember to go through my mental checklist of what we HAVE accomplished so that I don't get discouraged. The nesting urge is sort of there, but what with illness and exhaustion, I'm not able to scrub like I'd prefer. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me I need to get over my need to be a good 'housekeeper for show.' (If it's just Rick and I, the mess doesn't bother us so much. But the second someone else is going to walk through the door, I want it spotless and get really embarrassed when it isn't. I'm getting better about it out of necessity, but I still don't like it.) It's one of the only times I care what other people think, and I really should let go of that. Especially w/a kid in the house, right?
My darling fetus (emphasis on the FEET) has been quite active today, so I'm relieved that she's decided to rest for the moment. Those kicks and punches are not as full extension as they used to be, but she's a LOT bigger now and they HURT when she gets going!The upside is that Rick gets to enjoy the show she puts on when she's dancing - it's really easy to see her active movements from the outside, and he can feel some of the smaller stuff just by resting a hand on my belly. And heaven help us all if he gets close up and talks to her. I get stretched & pummeled while she moves towards his voice, then she tries to kick him in the mouth (or hand or whatever is closest) once she figures out where he is. Entertaining, if a bit uncomfortable for me. :)
I should probably get off the comp now and do something useful, like feed and bathe myself. I'll update again when there's something more to share, perhaps after tomorrow's ultrasound and prenatal visit? Oh yes, I get to start weekly visits now, yay fun! Less than a calendar month to the due date!
...I will not freak out, I will not freak out, I will not freak out, I will not freak out...
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