Gruesome Truths

I have been compiling lists of truths about 1st Trimester that are either not mentioned or are glossed over with a mere, "yeah, this can happen" type comment. This is all from my experience, and yes I am aware that every pregnancy is different. However, if you're planning on having a baby, you may want to pay attention.

INDIGESTION
What they tell you: You'll probably have it. Eat smaller meals more often. (Same advice they give for nausea.)
What really happens: This is NOT your average indigestion! It's one thing to eat a dense, heavy meal and have it sit there a couple hours. It's entirely different to eat a normal dinner and have it still there the next morning! I have spent evenings in bed charting the progression of my meal through my intestines. Not joking at all - I could feel it moving, inch by inch.

SALIVARY PRODUCTION
What they tell you: Often, mothers notice they produce more saliva. It may be linked to the nausea.
What really happens: Lying awake at night, trying to swallow enough times to clear your mouth long enough to fall asleep w/o drenching your pillow. Desperation can lead to mouth breathing in an attempt to dry out everything.

EXHAUSTION
What they tell you: You can feel really tired. Don't be surprised if you feel like you've run a marathon after only a few minutes of exertion.
What really happens: Nothing can prepare you for this level of exhaustion. Example: I slept close to 12 hrs one night, got up, dressed, ate breakfast, poked around online a few minutes, and was back in bed in less than 2 hrs. You will sleep forever once you can get comfy enough to zonk out. Then you will nap. Then you will not feel up to doing anything. Then you will nap more. Your pillow becomes your best friend. You will feel lazy, useless, worthless, and unable to do a damn thing about it most days.

TEETH
What they tell you: Get dental work done before you're pregnant or early on. Pregnancy can be hard on teeth.
What actually happens: I did not read nor receive any other info on this subject until out of the blue my tooth broke this past weekend. Suddenly I hear from several mothers that apparently quite a lot of moms lose a tooth every time they're pregnant. WTF!! Don't the baby books and pregnancy sites think that could be an important piece of info for a mom-to-be?? I know I'd have found that far more relevant than the 50 diatribes on what might possibly go wrong in utero but probably won't because they're rare conditions.

CONSTIPATION
What they tell you: This is very common. Get plenty of fiber and try not to eat too many foods that aggravate the condition.
What actually happens: Frankly, you eat what sounds good and is (hopefully) relatively nutritious. If that means cheese at every meal, you thank your lucky stars that you don't puke it up and can at least get some calcium and protein from it. When the constipation kicks in, ain't nothing moving that blockage before it's darn good and ready to move. If you strain, you get hemorrhoids. If you don't strain, you feel miserable. There is nothing I can think of to compare to the agony of waves of diarrhea cramps so bad you break out in a greasy sweat and want to vomit, and that damned blockage stubbornly refusing to move and release you from the torment. When you have spent an hour on the toilet and begun to mentally work out the logistics of a teeny version of a lifeguard hook that might be inserted to pull everything loose, you will know real constipation.

GAS
What they tell you: You will experience more gas production in your body. This is normal.
What actually happens: You will belch and fart quite a lot. Burping becomes your lifeline for avoiding a round of puking. You will fart in front of family, friends, and strangers and not care because the release of pressure from your belly is far more important than any odd stare or giggle.

URINATION
What they tell you: It can seem like you're peeing every 5 minutes!
What actually happens: Some days you will actually pee every 5 minutes.

DISGUSTING EVENTS
What they tell you: It's ok to discuss even the least socially acceptable aspects of what happens to your body with your doctor/midwife.
What actually happens: You will also find another mom with which to share the most viscous, corporeal, and gag-inducing stories that you'd never DREAM of sharing in polite company. And the other mom will commiserate and share horrific gross stories of her own. And it will give you both a laugh and a bond that nobody else quite gets until they've gone through it.